Friday, October 16, 2015


P is taking Derek away.  Well, not for good--not now, anyway.  

He came home and told me that he decided to take Derek camping because, in his words, he can't stomach spending the weekend with me--his wayward wife.  That's what it all boils down to.  Luckily, it is going to be a nice weekend, so that Derek doesn't have to freeze his ass off because of me.  They are going to be in a cabin, so if it rains, he's covered.

After being informed that my son would be gone from tomorrow morning until Sunday night, I was directed to help get the stuff together, pack food and clothing, etc.  We worked as a family unit for the first time since Tuesday.  However after Derek was in bed, I attempted to talk to P,  and I was pitched out of the house, as is the custom these days.  Before I left, I was informed that I should return at six, because they plan to leave at seven.  Someone has to make breakfast.  Got to keep the charade going, right?

When I walked through the back door of T's empty house (or so I thought, since I knew that he was working late), I was extremely melancholy, and wanted to curl up into a ball on the couch, only lifting my head long enough to stick it into a gallon of chocolate ice cream.  No such luck, because first of all--T doesn't have a stash of ice cream--stupid man, and second--the couch was already taken.  T's mother, Anita, was there waiting for me.  

I didn't know how to react. She saw that I was apprehensive (to say the least--I wanted to run out of there), so she patted her hand on the couch and asked me to sit down.  She knew everything.  I was relieved, because  I didn't know how was I going to explain that I just waltzed in his house unannounced.  Once she told me that she knew about the lost baby, I fell apart completely, and she comforted me.  I needed that so much.  Up to that point, the secret was locked inside me. There had been no one to tell about my latest tragedy--not my friends, or my family.   It needed to come out.  

Of course, as I was crying in the couch with his mother, T walked in, wondering what she had done to me.  Oh, by the way, he did return last night.  He found me, and I was able to apologize for being such an unreasonable bitch  (my words--not his).

As always, after I retired to the guest room, I couldn't sleep.  I smelled smoke in the air, and got out of bed to investigate.  T was in the living room, lying on the couch since his mother was sleeping in his room for the night.  He had been having a hard time sleeping as well, and started a fire in the fireplace. When he saw me, he immediately sat up, looking a bit uncomfortable because I was standing there in my robe.  He joked that I was trying to torture him walking in looking that way.  I actually smiled.

He told me that he's been thinking about what he had done to my life, and was truly sorry.  I told him that he was not the only one to blame for the mess that I am in, and that we were drawn to each other because of mutual affection.  I apologized again for ripping his head off yesterday.  He said that I needed to vent, and deserved it.  Well, I don't think that's true.

T said that he hated to see me like this, and wanted to do something to cheer me up--take me away from everything.  Since Derek would not be home all weekend, he offered to take me somewhere overnight (just as friends...I laughed too).   At first, I dismissed the idea as crazy, because I thought it impossible for us to go away together without temptation.  But, he insisted, swearing that it could work.  I was not looking forward to being in an empty home, so I have changed my mind.  We'll see if this works.

So tomorrow morning, I will be there to wake Derek up, make him breakfast and get him ready to leave me (have to be there at 6 am tomorrow, so what am still I still doing up tapping away on my laptop?).  Once they have left, T will take me somewhere.  I don't know where he is taking me, because it is a secret, but I'll be back on Sunday.  Hopefully, my head will be clear, and I will be rested and ready for the fight ahead.

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