When did it start? I guess that it was after my second miscarriage. P always wanted a big family, and was happy after Derek was born seven years ago. It was a happier time for all of us. Two miscarriages later, I feel defective and he has been more and more distant. Maybe he's disappointed in me because I can't deliver the goods. Maybe he has given up on me.
He never was really affectionate. Oh, he was quick with the flowers now and then, but those public displays of affection were few and far in between, if any. Jealously, I watch my friends and their husbands show their love for each other. I would take one passionate kiss over 12 dozen roses any day.
I guess this is the card that I have been dealt. I will keep trying to make this marriage work--play my role as perfect wife and mother. Maybe one day, he will look across the table and see me as someone other than the "help". I am a nearly desperate woman who needs the love and affection of a man who loves me.
My Introduction
My Introduction
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