Tuesday, July 28, 2015

I'M MORTIFIED, AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT...TO MYSELF

I had a bowl of ice cream today.  I needed it after a night like last night.  The day was okay, but the night?  Oh brother!

It all started when I was about to drive Derek to soccer camp in the morning.  I ran into Mark and he offered to let us use the pool after Derek got back.  I said no initially, because I was starting to get uneasy about spending time over there without Philip, and also about what Mark's ex-wife said last week (not to trust him), so I've kinda been avoiding him lately.  But it was an extremely hot day yesterday, I felt sorry for Derek, so I took him up on his offer.

Mark was not there when we came in, so I actually went into the pool with Derek, which I would never do.  I usually sit on the side and watch, but it was very hot.  Suddenly, Mark jumped in and popped up out of nowhere.  I don't know where he came from.  It seemed like only five minutes later that Philip arrived, home early from work.

Derek was so happy to see his Dad home early from work, and begged him to join us in the pool.   Mark offered to cook us dinner, and that seemed to break the cold silence that Philip displayed.  When Philip returned after changing, he brought me a swim t-shirt (I guess that it was a hint), and jumped in to played pool basketball with Derek.  He seemed to be having a good time, but when Mark left to start dinner, Philip's attitude changed.  He was cold and distant.




Dinner was a fiasco.  Mark served red wine with the steak, and Philip drank like there was no tomorrow.  Then he started to get on my case--telling me that the house is a wreck and that I'm slacking in my duties, or something like that.  He said that I've spent too much time at the beach (I tried to explain that it's the summer, but he didn't listen).  He was scolding me in front of Mark and Derek, and I was humiliated.

Then it got personal.  He practically laughed at my weight loss efforts, telling me that I didn't need to lose weight, and who was I trying to impress?  He actually brought up the fact that I unsuccessfully tried to seduce him the other day--he didn't say the exact words, but everyone in the room knew what he meant (except for Derek, thank God). 

 At that point, Mark started clearing the table to get away from the uncomfortable situation, as I was speechless.  When I finally got away from the table to help Mark in the kitchen, he was mad at me for not defending myself.   He was married for five minutes, for God's sake, and was not a very good husband from what I've been told.  He's the last person that should give advice about marriage being a partnership.  I told him to mind his own business, and he finally shut up.  At least I can get HIM to listen to me--but what good does that do?  He's not my problem.

Who does Philip think that I'm trying to impress?  Maybe I am doing all this to get attention from my own indifferent husband, who makes a sport of making me feel inferior.  Sometimes I feel that the less time I spend with him, the better I feel about myself.   It's a shocking admission, isn't it?  What does that say about us?  Maybe I'm just saying too much.

Whatever!  I don't care what he thinks.  I'm down 10 lbs. at this point, and I'm not going to stop. From now on, I'm doing this for ME!

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