I'M MORTIFIED, AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT...TO MYSELF

I had a bowl of ice cream today.  I needed it after a night like last night.  The day was okay, but the night?  Oh brother!

It all started when I was about to drive Derek to soccer camp in the morning.  I ran into Mark and he offered to let us use the pool after Derek got back.  I said no initially, because I was starting to get uneasy about spending time over there without Philip, and also about what Mark's ex-wife said last week (not to trust him), so I've kinda been avoiding him lately.  But it was an extremely hot day yesterday, I felt sorry for Derek, so I took him up on his offer.

Mark was not there when we came in, so I actually went into the pool with Derek, which I would never do.  I usually sit on the side and watch, but it was very hot.  Suddenly, Mark jumped in and popped up out of nowhere.  I don't know where he came from.  It seemed like only five minutes later that Philip arrived, home early from work.

Derek was so happy to see his Dad home early from work, and begged him to join us in the pool.   Mark offered to cook us dinner, and that seemed to break the cold silence that Philip displayed.  When Philip returned after changing, he brought me a swim t-shirt (I guess that it was a hint), and jumped in to played pool basketball with Derek.  He seemed to be having a good time, but when Mark left to start dinner, Philip's attitude changed.  He was cold and distant.

Dinner was a fiasco.  Mark served red wine with the steak, and Philip drank like there was no tomorrow.  Then he started to get on my case--telling me that the house is a wreck and that I'm slacking in my duties, or something like that.  He said that I've spent too much time at the beach (I tried to explain that it's the summer, but he didn't listen).  He was scolding me in front of Mark and Derek, and I was humiliated.

Then it got personal.  He practically laughed at my weight loss efforts, telling me that I didn't need to lose weight, and who was I trying to impress?  He actually brought up the fact that I unsuccessfully tried to seduce him the other day--he didn't say the exact words, but everyone in the room knew what he meant (except for Derek, thank God). 

 At that point, Mark started clearing the table to get away from the uncomfortable situation, as I was speechless.  When I finally got away from the table to help Mark in the kitchen, he was mad at me for not defending myself.   He was married for five minutes, for God's sake, and was not a very good husband from what I've been told.  He's the last person that should give advice about marriage being a partnership.  I told him to mind his own business, and he finally shut up.  At least I can get HIM to listen to me--but what good does that do?  He's not my problem.

Who does Philip think that I'm trying to impress?  Maybe I am doing all this to get attention from my own indifferent husband, who makes a sport of making me feel inferior.  Sometimes I feel that the less time I spend with him, the better I feel about myself.   It's a shocking admission, isn't it?  What does that say about us?  Maybe I'm just saying too much.

Whatever!  I don't care what he thinks.  I'm down 10 lbs. at this point, and I'm not going to stop. From now on, I'm doing this for ME!

TAKE THAT, YOU BIG FAT JERK

I finally showed up at the gym after Chloe's constant hints and suggestions--used that membership that had been gathering dust for the past six months, or seven.  Who's counting? We were on the treadmills and who walks in but the idiot.  Why is it that when you try to avoid something, you always see it?

I've been seeing him everywhere lately.  The grocery store, the front yard--he pulled me over once.  Did I mention that he's a state trooper?  I was really surprised when I handed him a PBA card that he signed himself.  Philip gave it to me, but never mentioned who it came from.  Talk about embarrassing. I felt like a stupid idiot. Philip shook his head, and said that he told me, but I swear that I never heard those words come out of his mouth.  I think that I would have remembered that the idiot next door was a State Trooper.

I'm getting off task here.  Anyway, back to the gym.  Theresa wanted to meet him, probably because she saw him take off his shirt like he was a Chippendale's dancer.  I agreed to do it, but then after I introduced them, I walked away because I didn't want to watch him show off his muscles and the screaming eagle tattoo on his right arm--I've seen that routine before, and I'm not impressed!  Big mistake.  He somehow invited himself to drinks at Spiders, which is the name of a restaurant in the mall where we usually hang out after the workout.  I was pissed!

But after Chloe and Theresa left the table to visit the Ladies room, I realized that a had a rare opportunity.  I was able to tell him what I really thought of him.  I did not hold back, and I think that I surprised him a bit.  I called him a thoughtless playboy and several other choice insults that seemed to flow freely from my mouth...everything that I have been thinking about and holding back since he moved in.  It was cathartic!  I feel like I've gone through therapy.     

Of course, he took his turn as well, and he wasn't very nice, so I ended up throwing an entire glass of iced tea in his face.  I really don't want to go into detail about what he said, but trust me, he deserved it.  Lets just say that it is amazing what comes out of his mouth.  I wish that I had soap.

Still think I won, though.  You should have seen the shocked look on his face!  You don't mess with Victoria Wilder!  Score one for the good guys!