TAKE THAT, YOU BIG FAT JERK

I finally showed up at the gym after Chloe's constant hints and suggestions--used that membership that had been gathering dust for the past six months, or seven.  Who's counting? We were on the treadmills and who walks in but the idiot.  Why is it that when you try to avoid something, you always see it?

I've been seeing him everywhere lately.  The grocery store, the front yard--he pulled me over once.  Did I mention that he's a state trooper?  I was really surprised when I handed him a PBA card that he signed himself.  Philip gave it to me, but never mentioned who it came from.  Talk about embarrassing. I felt like a stupid idiot. Philip shook his head, and said that he told me, but I swear that I never heard those words come out of his mouth.  I think that I would have remembered that the idiot next door was a State Trooper.

I'm getting off task here.  Anyway, back to the gym.  Theresa wanted to meet him, probably because she saw him take off his shirt like he was a Chippendale's dancer.  I agreed to do it, but then after I introduced them, I walked away because I didn't want to watch him show off his muscles and the screaming eagle tattoo on his right arm--I've seen that routine before, and I'm not impressed!  Big mistake.  He somehow invited himself to drinks at Spiders, which is the name of a restaurant in the mall where we usually hang out after the workout.  I was pissed!

But after Chloe and Theresa left the table to visit the Ladies room, I realized that a had a rare opportunity.  I was able to tell him what I really thought of him.  I did not hold back, and I think that I surprised him a bit.  I called him a thoughtless playboy and several other choice insults that seemed to flow freely from my mouth...everything that I have been thinking about and holding back since he moved in.  It was cathartic!  I feel like I've gone through therapy.     

Of course, he took his turn as well, and he wasn't very nice, so I ended up throwing an entire glass of iced tea in his face.  I really don't want to go into detail about what he said, but trust me, he deserved it.  Lets just say that it is amazing what comes out of his mouth.  I wish that I had soap.

Still think I won, though.  You should have seen the shocked look on his face!  You don't mess with Victoria Wilder!  Score one for the good guys!

BACHELOR UPDATE - UNEDITED

When I found out that I was getting a new neighbor to replace the much beloved Girardi's, I was a little disappointed that a family wasn't moving next door.  There were no children for Derek to play with, and no mom for me to bond with.  My neighbor turned out to be a 40-ish year old bachelor, but I still figured that I'd give him a chance.

The jerk's bike look something like this

Well, on the night he moved in, there was a thunderstorm.  I should have taken that as an omen.  He was nice at first, but I eventually realized that I  don't like him.    (He's handsome, I must admit, but I would not go as far as the scouting report said.  Sure, he's tall--didn't really look at him that closely, but as he stood in my hallway dripping water all over my tiles, he towered over Philip).

Anyway, he turned me off as soon as he sat down at my table and started to talk.  I don't know what it was about him--his cocky attitude, his tattoo or the way that he thinks that his shit doesn't stink (sorry about that one, but I had not other way to describe him).  Just a stupid devil-may-care, who's cooler than me attitude.  He also has a staring problem that Philip didn't seem to notice.

Derek and Philip seem to like him--of course.  I call it a sort of a hero worship. He has this enviable (to them, anyway) bachelor lifestyle.  Women everywhere, a pilot's license (used to be in the navy) and drives a stupid motorcycle that he restored himself.  He even promised to take Derek for a ride in both.  I can tell you one thing--he will have to drive over my dead body.

NEW NEIGHBOR UPDATE--UNEDITED

Well, I guess that I'm not going to get what I wanted as far as the new next door neighbor thing goes.  Word has it that my new neighbor is going to be a forty-year old bachelor with no children.  Oh well.  I guess that Derek will not get his new playmate.

I cannot express how disappointing this news is.  That house is perfect for a family.  There is a pool in the backyard, where Derek used to play with his best friend.  There is a door in the fence that connects our yards.  

Now that stupid door will connect us to some stupid guy we don't know.  I don't like this one bit, and I've told P as much.  Of course, he doesn't care, even if the guy might be some kind of lunatic, because I was interrupting his watching of a freaking Phillie's game.  Did I tell you how much I hate baseball? (Not Derek's games, of course)
  

this is not him (I don't think)

 
I'm sure that he's very nice, but this is like the worst case scenario.  I can only hope that he is quiet and keeps to himself.  I'm not very optimistic.