Thursday, June 25, 2015

TAKE THAT, YOU BIG FAT JERK

I finally showed up at the gym after Chloe's constant hints and suggestions--used that membership that had been gathering dust for the past six months, or seven.  Who's counting? We were on the treadmills and who walks in but the idiot.  Why is it that when you try to avoid something, you always see it?

I've been seeing him everywhere lately.  The grocery store, the front yard--he pulled me over once.  Did I mention that he's a state trooper?  I was really surprised when I handed him a PBA card that he signed himself.  Philip gave it to me, but never mentioned who it came from.  Talk about embarrassing. I felt like a stupid idiot. Philip shook his head, and said that he told me, but I swear that I never heard those words come out of his mouth.  I think that I would have remembered that the idiot next door was a State Trooper.



I'm getting off task here.  Anyway, back to the gym.  Theresa wanted to meet him, probably because she saw him take off his shirt like he was a Chippendale's dancer.  I agreed to do it, but then after I introduced them, I walked away because I didn't want to watch him show off his muscles and the screaming eagle tattoo on his right arm--I've seen that routine before, and I'm not impressed!  Big mistake.  He somehow invited himself to drinks at Spiders, which is the name of a restaurant in the mall where we usually hang out after the workout.  I was pissed!

But after Chloe and Theresa left the table to visit the Ladies room, I realized that a had a rare opportunity.  I was able to tell him what I really thought of him.  I did not hold back, and I think that I surprised him a bit.  I called him a thoughtless playboy and several other choice insults that seemed to flow freely from my mouth...everything that I have been thinking about and holding back since he moved in.  It was cathartic!  I feel like I've gone through therapy.     

Of course, he took his turn as well, and he wasn't very nice, so I ended up throwing an entire glass of iced tea in his face.  I really don't want to go into detail about what he said, but trust me, he deserved it.  Lets just say that it is amazing what comes out of his mouth.  I wish that I had soap.

Still think I won, though.  You should have seen the shocked look on his face!  You don't mess with Victoria Wilder!  Score one for the good guys!

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