Wednesday, August 12, 2015

I HAVE FEELINGS THAT I DO NOT WANT BUT CANNOT CONTROL



I'm addicted to T.  Maybe it's because he's so different than the other man in my life, who can be cold, distant and indifferent.  T is so much more supportive, comforting, and enthusiastic about the person that I am.  In a word, he is more loving, and I can't get enough.


Does T actually love me?  I don't know.  But if you take into account his actions, he does.  T is always there when I need him.  Right now, he is my best friend, before any other--male or female.  I feel like I've known him forever.  The problem is that I'm having a problem with feelings for T that are getting out of hand. 


How did this happen?  I used to hate him. I used to catch T staring at me, and it would make me uncomfortable.  It was the way that he looked at me.  There were these long and probing stares from a man who didn't want to miss a thing.  No man ever looked at me like that;  not even my own husband.  I tried to ignore the attention and not think about how he made me feel.  But, he was slowly bringing me back to life, making me feel truly attractive for the first time in my life.


Now I can't stop thinking about him.   I want to look at him, smell his skin, be in his presence.   I enjoy his company.   I want to be with him, but not in the biblical sense.  I could just sit in the same room with him, and be content.   We wouldn't even have to talk.  


That's what scares me the most.  I am truly comfortable with him around.  Does that mean that I'm in love with him?  If it does, then I shouldn't be, and it's a problem.  God help me.

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