I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. It has been such a long and harrowing day.
It started out nice enough--a beautiful Autumn day. It was so gorgeous, in fact that Chloe and I decided to take the boys to the apple orchard after school. It was more crowded than I expected. I was talking to Chloe, turned around and Derek was not there. I calmly looked around for him, because he has a tendency to wander off a bit, but after ten minutes, I became very worried. I still did not find him, and there was this frightening feeling in the pit of my stomach that I never would. My palms started to sweat, I felt nauseous, and I scrambled around yelling his name. I reached a whole new wide-eyed level of anxiety. My boy was missing!
I must have looked like I escaped from an insane asylum, racing around...screaming and crying like a lunatic. My heart was beating out of my chest. The mothers that were with me helped me look, and Chloe tried to calm me down, but it was not possible. I could not think straight. I was in full blown panic mode.
I called T at work. I know that some of you may wonder why I didn't call P first, but how could I possibly call P and explain that I had lost his son? How could I explain it? Forget about the affair. I could have five affairs right in front of him, but this would have been the single most devastating blow that I could have given him. He would have never forgiven me--ever. Derek is the most important person in his life (and mine).
While on the phone, T tried to calm me, but there was going to be none of that. I can only imagine how it must have sounded on the other end. I kept crying "My baby is gone!" I actually hung up on him so that I could throw up under an apple tree. He called back and finally had to shout at me to stop me from freaking out. When I asked him why he was yelling at me, he apologized, and then told me to take a deep breath and think about where Derek could be. Was there something that he was interested in...a petting zoo, or something else that caught his eye? That was when I thought about the bee farm.
Derek was found by the bee farm. I hugged him so hard, that I almost crushed the life out of his little body.
Afterwards, I stopped at Chloe's house, and she was very concerned about my behavior at the orchard. She wanted to get to bottom of why I completely lost it. Yes, I did lose my son, but there was something going on with me. I was irrational, dizzy and nauseous.
Then, the answer came to her.
"It's so obvious that you're pregnant!" she suggested with a smile...
TO BE CONTINUED: PART 2 - AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY TEST