Saturday, September 5, 2015


T was at Chloe's Labor Day barbecue on Saturday.  He wasn't there at first, and I was relaxed and having an adequate time--not dancing on the tables or anything.  We were there about an hour, and then I turned and there he was.  Suddenly, my whole body reacted.  I was shaking and found it hard to breathe.  A week of penance and self-loathing was down the drain.  The desire came back, full force.

He walked over to me and a few other people, and I noticed that he was tanned, rested, and unbelievably beautiful.  When we were in the presence of others, he explained that he was in Florida visiting his son.  Then when he caught a quick moment with me, he told me that I looked beautiful in the sundress, and that he could not keep his mind off what happened.  I would not admit to him that I felt the same way.  I wanted him to stop talking about it, said that it would never happen again, and begged him to get it out of his mind.  He said that it was impossible.  Don't I know it?

Roberta came over, and I was relieved at the start, because the uncomfortable conversation had to stop.  Then she started to flirt with him, rubbing his back in a sensual way, and I wanted her to go away.  She asked him to dance, and to my utter surprise (or disgust), he said yes.  I don't know if he did this to get to me. worked.  I was pissed.  I told him as much when I confronted him by the beer keg, and he wondered what I expected him to do.  He reminded me that there was someone at the party that he wanted, and it was not Roberta.  Then Roberta returned like a cancer, and was back to her old tricks.

Suddenly, I felt dizzy.  I don't know if it was the previous conversation, the heat, or the fact that Roberta could not keep her slimy hands off of T.  I wanted to sit down, and searched for a chair.  I heard T ask if I was all right, I lost my balance and he kept me steady.   The wineglass that I was holding fell onto the tile, and shattered.  After that, it seemed that the whole world stopped.  Everyone was looking at me.

I wanted to fix it, somehow.  I bent down to try to pick up shards of glass, but T stopped me, saying that he would do it.  Chloe's husband, Donald was quick to come over with a dustpan and broom to help with the clean up, and everyone was asking me if I was okay.  Then P came over, and with all the sensitivity of a drill sergeant, he asked me what the hell happened--like I did it on purpose.

I told him that I wasn't feeling well, and wanted to go home.  P wouldn't hear of it, probably thinking that I was making it up (I've done that before).  He said that he did not want to leave because Derek was having a good time, and that I should sit down and relax, and "maybe I'll feel better".  I'm sure that I heard sarcasm in his voice.  Even Roberta seemed more concerned about me than my own husband.  Story of my life.  I was even willing to walk home so that P did not have to leave the party for two seconds to drop me off.  Then T said that he was leaving anyway, and that he would drop me off.

To be continued...

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