Saturday, September 5, 2015


T's offer to drive me home put me on the spot.  I yearned to say yes, but my conscience knew that I should say no. However, P saw it as the perfect solution to his problem because he could pass the buck and not have to leave the precious party (the man is truly clueless, but in his world, no one on this known earth would be attracted to me, especially not the playboy neighbor offering to drive me home).  After P walked me to the truck, and Derek kissed me goodbye, P said that he'd be home after the fireworks were over, and I said that I'd probably go straight to bed.

Neither of us spoke during the two block ride, but I did feel a little better physically.  Maybe it was the air conditioning in the truck, or the comfort of being away from the crowded party.  I was relaxed, somehow--maybe it was because we were alone, and I was not worried that someone would see something out of the ordinary.  By the time he pulled into his garage and opened the door for me, I had every intention of going home.  Then he said three words--I love you.

I can't explain what it felt like to hear those three simple words.  Somehow, I suspected that he loved me, but when I heard it come from his lips, I was dumbfounded.   It was mind-blowing!    I've tried so hard to deny it, thinking that I was losing my mind, or imagining things that were not there, but I have loved him for such a long time.  It's true, and such a relief to finally admit it.   When I heard his confession, I felt alive, free, and I didn't want to leave--so, I didn't.  I let go, and have no regrets.

I stayed with him until the fireworks started, promising to return on Wednesday.  We have started something, and I am happy about it.  I am not thinking about the consequences, or the risks.  For now, it is a secret.  I am "that woman" and I don't care.  I'm taking one day at a time, with room for adjustment.

For those who are worried about me, and think that I am taking the wrong path, I wish you knew what it was like to be in my shoes.  P had his chance to bring me home, and lead me away from temptation, but he did not.  He did not care.  I was just a nuisance to him, as usual.  At that critical moment, when I was ready to jump, he failed to grab my hand to pull me back.  T was more than willing to catch me, and I'm so happy that he did.

I have spent ten years trying to be the perfect wife to an indifferent man who treats me more like a child than anything else. I have never felt a mutual fondness with him.  We have just been going through the motions, together only because of Derek.  As for passion, it is not there, and probably has not been there from the start.  I have tried in the past, but he would rather sleep in the guest room/office, than to deal with me.  I am done trying.  It's time to think about myself for a change.

With T, I don't have to try.  It comes naturally.  Nobody makes me feel the way that he does.  There is no other man in this world that I would rather be with.  We have mutual love, respect and fondness.  He is my best friend, my T (my Trooper), and now my lover.  There is no turning back.

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