Thursday, November 26, 2015


I spent this Thanksgiving at my parent's house.  Spent most of the day in the kitchen with my mom, sister and sister-in-law as "the men", including my younger brother,  hung out in the living room watching football.  I basically stayed away from Philip as much as possible.  I was better off.

Once we were seated at the dining room table, my brother and his wife had a big announcement.  My sister-in-law is pregnant with her first child, and is 3 months along.  If all goes well, she will probably have the baby in May. This news hit me in between the eyes, because my child would have been due at the same time, but I did not let it affect my mood.  I took a deep breath, smiled my biggest smile, and then hugged my excited relatives.  My sulking would have to wait.

You know, I like the look of this table

As I hugged them, Philip curiously gave me the usual look (the "everyone can get pregnant except you" look).  I thought that it was a little weird, since we have not been intimate for at last six months, and probably never will again.  So why was he giving me "the look" that always made me feel inferior (and still does, as a matter of fact)?  Maybe it was just habit--another way to make me feel like crap.  He doesn't even know about my latest tragedy.  Would he have been more sympathetic if he knew?  Who knows.  Anyway, I don't know why I brought it up.  I've let it go, like everything else in these past few weeks.   

That news aside, it was a great day in the comfort of my family.  Philip and I play-acted as if nothing was wrong--played our parts well.  We had never been overly affectionate to each other in the past, so all we had to do was to pretend that we still could stand to be in the same room together.   

Life is not perfect, but it was never entirely perfect.      I can't imagine what we would have done if we had split up before this holiday.  I am happy and thankful enough that my family is still together.

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