WHAT A HEADACHE

I had a migraine this morning, and I missed Mass.  I usually do not do that.  I also missed T's neighborhood football party.  That, I was not looking forward to.  I was feeling better in the afternoon,  but stayed at home because I didn't know how I was going to be able to be in the same house with him, Philip, and all the other neighbors without feeling uncomfortable.  Not to mention that Roberta usually looks at T as if he were the main dish on her menu.  I didn't need to see that.

T called me during the day while guests were in his home.  He said that he sneaked in his bedroom to do so.  He teased that he wanted to come over and nurse me back to health.  I told him that he was nuts.  It was a nice idea, but I threatened his life--called him "Markus", which is his given name and his mother only calls him that when he's in trouble.  I warned that he would be in deep trouble if he tried to come over.  But, then again, he's never been afraid of my wrath. 

When the doorbell rang, I knew who it was.  I opened the front door, and saw his face.  In shock, I pulled him inside as quickly as possible.  After a quick smile and kiss, he told me that he would not stay long, and would leave immediately, because he knew that I was freaking out.  He just wanted to give me something that was in a small white bag that he held in his hand.  I looked inside, and found that he had bought me a Lindt chocolate bar with raspberry filling.  It is my absolute favorite.  I decided not to kill him after all.

But, I had to get him out.  I pushed him out the front door, after checking first.  He made sure to remind me that his day off was Tuesday, and not Wednesday.  I will rest all day tomorrow  to be ready for our day.

YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS--THE KISS WAS JUST THAT--A KISS

I went for a walk once the sun went down yesterday.  I guess that I wanted to walk off some of the anxiety that I have been feeling lately, and get away from the brownies that have been calling my name.  I was a good idea to get some exercise, because I have been downright lazy, gaining a pound since last week.  It might not seem like a big deal, but I was one pound away from twenty.  Now I am two.  Damn those brownies!

Well, you can guess what happened next.  Halfway down the road, T was calling out to me, telling me to slow down.  He wanted to talk.  I sped up.  But, eventually, I stopped because he started to get dizzy trying to catch me.  We sat down and talked.

He asked me if I was avoiding him, and that was a stupid question because he knows damn well that I've been avoiding him and why.  He played down the incident, saying that it was nothing to be concerned about.  It was just a kiss...that's all...curiosity took over and lead to a minor mistake that he promised will never happen again. 

I wish that I could believe that.  Should I be insulted, since it was no big deal to him, and I was so freaked out?  Maybe I am overreacting.   Maybe I'm letting my fantasies take over reality, and I'm seeing things that are not there.  I don't know what to think.


Anyway, things are back to normal.  I have my friend back, and I am no longer running scared.  I just wish that I could erase my memory of that kiss.

IT'S THE PERFECT TIME TO PANIC!!

I went to a wedding today with my family, but I wasn't thinking about the happy couple.  I was thinking about what happened before the wedding--before we even left the neighborhood.  I couldn't think about anything else.


I was dressed and ready to go to the wedding, but first I wanted to deliver something that I made for T, since I've been determined to step up while he's recovering from his accident. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer.  So, I used the key from the usual spot and let myself in.  I didn't see him, and suddenly I thought that he might have "company".  I tried to be as quiet as possible as I tiptoed through the house like a mouse trying not to wake up the cat.  I was going to put the lasagna in the fridge and get out of there.  That was my plan, anyway.


It didn't quite work out that way.  On the way back from the kitchen I ran into him, freshly showered and wearing not a stitch on him.  I have to admit that I could not help but get a good look before I covered my eyes and he dove into the bedroom.  BTW, he has a scar on his abdomen and all the rumors that I've heard are true.

When he returned, wearing a bathingsuit, he tried to break the ice by joking about how I'm making him fat with all of the food.  Seriously, the man does not have an inch of fat on his perfectly formed body.  Anyway, I'm not panicking about that.  That happened innocently enough.  It was what happened afterwards that is making me freak out.  He complimented the way I looked in the new dress, and one thing led to another until we suddenly kissed.


It wasn't one of those neighborly kisses, or one that you would give to a family member.  It was a hot, passionate kiss that practically blew my shoes off.  I've never experienced a kiss like that, and it wasn't just a kiss.  It may have been a prelude to something else if I had not slammed on the brakes.  Then we both realized what we were doing, and split apart like we were burning.  Well, we were.


I was so panicked afterwards, that I didn't stay long enough to listen to him apologize.  I just got the hell out of there.   Ran like a scared little rabbit running away from a wolf. A wolf that I'm extremely attracted to, by the way, and I can't seem to get out of my mind.  


Now, I'm back from the wedding and wondering what I should do.  I know one thing--I definitely have to stay away from T.  At least for a week to let this cool down...but I don't want to.