THE NEIGHBOR FROM HELL

I've got the neighbor from Hell.

Okay, I guess that you've been waiting to see how my weekend went.   I have been beside myself.  I was hoping that it would get better, but it's not.  I just feel like I want to vent.

The "bachelor" has a playboy lifestyle...he always has someone different over there (not that I've been paying attention).  He invited us to a party at his house on Memorial Day weekend, with people and noise--young women everywhere.  I think that they were in their twenties.   I told Chloe that I felt like I was at the Playboy mansion.  She shook her head and told me to relax and not be so critical.  She was actually having fun at that party!  I told her that I think that he should grow up. I left early.  Came up with the migraine excuse, and then once I was home, I swallowed a row of Girl Scout Tagalongs.  The "Bachelor" is ruining my diet!

Philip tells me to mind my own business.  Give him a chance, he says.  I don't know what it is.  Maybe it's my mother's instinct, but I don't trust him. 

MRS. ANTI-SOCIAL?

I think that I might be classified as anti-social.

Well, that's what Philip thinks, anyway.  Let me explain...We've been invited to "the bachelor's" Memorial day party on Sunday, and I don't want to go.  Does that make me anti-social?

Yes, I don't feel comfortable around strangers.  I'm not very good at making conversation with people that I don't know.  Yes, I'm not particularly thrilled about being crowds, getting bumped around and having nowhere to sit.  Does that make me a pariah, or am I just shy?

I have my two best friends, Chloe and Theresa, and I'm happy with the two friends that I have.  I can depend on them.  I don't need other friends, especially not whoever is going to be at that party on Sunday.  They will be talking politics, or sports, or whatever gibberish of the week.  I'm not in the mood for it.  I would rather stay home, if Philip would let me.  But, he won't let me off the hook.  I have make nice and bring potato salad. I am so happy about that (that's sarcasm).

Nevertheless, one of my very best friends, Chloe will be at the party with her husband and son.  "The bachelor" invited all the neighbors, and Chloe lives a couple of blocks away.  She's actually looking forward to it.  I think that she's lost her mind.  My lovely (that's sarcasm too) next door neighbor on the other side, Roberta, will be there as well, and let me just say that the less time I spend with Roberta, the more sane I will be.  She'll probably be hanging out of her bathing suit, as usual, and hanging all over the available men at the party.  I really do not want to be there to see that.
Aargghhh!! I wish I had  bunker to hide out in this weekend.

Do I sound anti-social?  I don't think so.  I think that I'm just selectively social.

BACHELOR UPDATE - UNEDITED

When I found out that I was getting a new neighbor to replace the much beloved Girardi's, I was a little disappointed that a family wasn't moving next door.  There were no children for Derek to play with, and no mom for me to bond with.  My neighbor turned out to be a 40-ish year old bachelor, but I still figured that I'd give him a chance.

The jerk's bike look something like this

Well, on the night he moved in, there was a thunderstorm.  I should have taken that as an omen.  He was nice at first, but I eventually realized that I  don't like him.    (He's handsome, I must admit, but I would not go as far as the scouting report said.  Sure, he's tall--didn't really look at him that closely, but as he stood in my hallway dripping water all over my tiles, he towered over Philip).

Anyway, he turned me off as soon as he sat down at my table and started to talk.  I don't know what it was about him--his cocky attitude, his tattoo or the way that he thinks that his shit doesn't stink (sorry about that one, but I had not other way to describe him).  Just a stupid devil-may-care, who's cooler than me attitude.  He also has a staring problem that Philip didn't seem to notice.

Derek and Philip seem to like him--of course.  I call it a sort of a hero worship. He has this enviable (to them, anyway) bachelor lifestyle.  Women everywhere, a pilot's license (used to be in the navy) and drives a stupid motorcycle that he restored himself.  He even promised to take Derek for a ride in both.  I can tell you one thing--he will have to drive over my dead body.

MY MOTHER'S DAY GIFT WILL BE...

A PHILLIE'S GAME.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

I think that I have already stated how devoted a Phillie's fan Philip is.  The man is in front of the television set for every pre-game, and then game, and then post-game.  Our lives revolve around the Phillies during baseball season (and the Eagles during football season).  I have accepted it.  I don't like it, but I have accepted it.

But, Mother's Day?  We are traveling to Philadelphia on Mother's Day?  Why can't we just go to the movies, or dinner, or something else that is MY choice?  Why can't we go to a freaking Phillie's game on Father's Day, when it is his choice?  Oh no, Father's Day is the day when he gets the royal treatment.  He wouldn't pass that up.  Where's my royal treatment?

Of course, Derek is really excited about going to the game, so add in the Mother's guilt.  If I tell them that I don't want to go to the freaking game, then Derek will be disappointed.  I don't want to disappoint him, so I will keep my mouth shut.  So, I will be the one disappointed...again, for the sake of my family.

I REALLY WANT TO SCREAM RIGHT NOW!