Sunday, December 27, 2015

LETTING MY SECRET FREE

IT WAS THE WINE.



Well, it always had been the alcohol.  It makes me lose my head.  It was wine that made  me embarrass myself on my birthday spa day.  It was alcohol that me flirt with T at my front door, and last night, wine made me do another thing that I was not supposed to do...spill the secret to my friends.

We were at Chloe's house--a little night time get together with the girls.  No kids.  Just me, Theresa and Chloe in her basement.  The wine was flowing and the conversation, the same.  Suddenly, the topic turned from the holidays to why T suddenly moved away.  It was Chloe who brought it up, or maybe Theresa.  Anyway, they were mentioning that they missed seeing him at the gym (they still go--I do not), and asked if I knew where he went.  I said that I didn't know.   I wish I did.

I was hoping that the conversation would move on, however, it didn't.  As I gulped my third glass of wine (or fourth?  I don't remember), my tongue loosened.  Theresa mentioned his physical appearance, and that was when I let the first clue slip.  When my shocked friends asked for more clarification, I told them about the affair--blurted it out suddenly.  You should have seen the stunned  looks on their faces.

From then on, everything spilled out of me--the exposure to Philip, the miscarriage, the reason T left, and the fact that I am so incredibly miserable without him, stuck in a passionless marriage.  The tears flowed like wine, but it felt so good to let it all out, since the secret had been bottled up inside me for so long--never to come out.  However, I needed to tell my best friends about it, and I didn't realize how badly until last night.  After it was out, I was so relieved.  The whole world came off of my shoulders--and onto theirs.  They swear that they will keep the secret.

Chloe said that she had a funny feeling that something was different between us that second night at the restaurant.  She said that we were acting strange (since we did not outwardly hate each other).  It crossed her mind that we were more than friends, but she quickly put it out of her head, thinking it ridiculous.  My confession proved that her instincts were right.

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