When I posted this blog's introduction, I explained why I needed a new blog. I was afraid. But truthfully, after about a year with the other blog, I have realized that no one from my inner circle actually reads it. It was a hard pill to swallow, because I did put some time and effort into it, but since it was just about my day to day life (which was pretty boring at the time), I guess that they did not find it interesting. I don't even have any followers. I'm sure that P never read one word from it, because he is not even aware that I write one blog (never mind two).
However, I cautiously started this Peach blog just to be safe side. There were no links to this blog from that blog. I know that I've been posting links on Twitter to the original blog, but I'm not going to do that anymore. I've stopped posting there altogether, and I deleted the blog entirely, but I saved all my posts, and transferred them to a new address. I will fix the broken links when I can.
Why do I have the Peach blog at all? I needed to have this blog because I do not have anyone to tell all my secrets. I can't tell family or friends about what is going on. Could you imagine if I did? After spending all this time trying to be the "perfect wife"? Even in the beginning, when I started to feel something for T, who was I going to tell? Who would have understood? I had to vent all my doubts, fears, and desires somewhere else, because I was going crazy keeping everything to myself! So I started this blog. I didn't care if one person or one hundred read my blog. I just wanted to send my feelings out into air to people that I did not know.
I realize that there is a certain amount of risk having a blog like this, but if I am caught, it will be in the real world. It will be from my own stupidity, or maybe I will just break down and confess everything--let the chips fall. Who knows? But, it will have nothing to do with this blog.
I keep forgetting that he checks out that blog. You can say that I'm embarrassed right now, because I admitted to the whole world that I tried to seduce my husband, and it failed. Now he knows too. Don't I feel great?
I guess that T checked it out because I will not return his texts, or his tweets. I even sent Derek to deliver the Baked Ziti I made for him. It must be driving him crazy that I am ignoring him, and I know that he wants to talk to me about what happened, but I'm not ready yet. I still don't know what to say.
I've erased all of his text messages, but I think that I'll keep the last one that he sent--just to remind myself that I'm not a failure. This was his last message: "I read your blog. Don't you dare ever talk that way about yourself again!".
I felt like crying, but then I had to laugh. I know how mad he must have been when he read the post. I could see him now. He was probably cursing after he read it, and while he was sending me the text. He was mad at P for rejecting me--for sure--but also mad at me for getting down on myself. He hates it when I do that, almost as much as when I wear that over-sized sunflower cover-up t-shirt by the pool.
God, I want to talk to him. I miss my best friend.
