I don't know why I tried to look for T, but I have concluded that I had temporarily lost my mind. Maybe it was because I felt bad about how we left things, but he was not blind sided, as Trudi has suggested. I knew that I would pick Derek, and he knew it too. He knows me. He knows that I would never be happy if I was away from my son. I think that is why he won't let me find him now.
I've been having vivid dreams, day and night, about a wonderful reunion. I would find him, tell him that I still love and miss him, and from then on, we would be together. I could be with him, and I would not lose Derek to a bitter P. Somehow, everything would work out perfectly, and everyone would be happy. That is just a fantasy, of course. I wish that I could have a romance novel ending, but that's not going to happen in real life. It's time to let go of the fantasy.
So, it's back to real life. I have my son, who is content with life the way it is. I have my small business, which continues to grow little by little. Spring is around the corner, and plenty of activities follow. I have no time to think of lost hopes and dreams. It's time to develop new dreams.