SNAPPING OUT OF IT

I'm fine.  Thank you so much for your support.  

Sorry about that last post.  I even depressed myself when I read it, and I can only imagine what anyone else thought.  I almost deleted it because it was so...damned...pitiful.  But, it was about what's going on, so I kept it.  Maybe it was because of the rain, or the fact that it was a dreaded Wednesday where memories flood back into my head like a tsunami.  I guess that I should not blog when I'm having a bad day. 

I've come to realize (at last)  that I have become a bloggy bummer.  I'm going to change that.   I'm determined to snap out of it.  As for this blog, there will be no more self-absorbed,  melancholic and downright pitiful posts.  I'm sure that everyone (including me) is sick of reading them, and I don't mean to bum anyone out.    I'm just venting, and you've been my ventee (is that a word?).

My life now is what I chose, and even though it is not perfect, I have to live with it.  I'm making a promise to myself to stop whining like a five year old.   Time to pick myself off the ground, dust the dirt off of my clothes and get on with it.  Get back to my, as Mark once told me,  "Soap opera and Oprah watching, bored housewife" life.  Did he really say that?  Yes he did.  It was back in June at the restaurant, when I still hated him.  Didn't post that little detail at the time, but it was one of the reasons that I doused him with iced tea--among others.  He had this gift of saying whatever was on his mind, and at that time, I did not appreciate it.

Life was so much simpler then. I knew what the ground rules were.  I've got to get back to that.   Unfortunately, my posts will become boring, but so will my life.  Life in the fast lane was definitely more exciting, but I don't think that it was worth it. 

Maybe I should find a hobby.  Thanksgiving is coming, and I have much to be thankful for.  I am a lucky woman, considering all that I've been through.  I'm going to bury myself in holiday cheer (not the liquid kid, if you're wondering), busy myself with Christmas shopping, baking, etc.  Help out with school parties and events.  I'll be all right.  From now on, it's time to grow up, accept the facts of my life, and make the best out of it.  I am a strong woman...after all--or I will be.  Like the song says, "I will survive!"

ONE CRAZY DAY, PART TWO - AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY TEST

Well, you could have heard a pin drop after Chloe suggested that I might be pregnant.  She was happy for me, of course, knowing about my troubles in that area, but she knows nothing of my current situation.  There was no doubt about who the father would be, and that person was obviously not my husband.

uh oh

My mind started to race as she suggested that I take a pregnancy test that she so happened to have on hand (she stocks up, just in case..well good for her).  As she gleefully ran to get the test, I was trying to figure out how this could have happened.  We have been careful, and always used protection.  There was just that first time in my hallway...how late was I?  I had not been keeping track.  Well, I have not really had to keep track--until now.

I did not want to take the test, but I did.  I left the tester in the bathroom, and told Chloe to go in there and look at it.  I did not want to see the results.  It all made so much sense, considering how I've been feeling lately.  I was convinced that I was pregnant.  What else could it be?  I just waited for Chloe to confirm the hard facts.

"I'm so sorry," Chloe said when she returned.

"Oh No," I said as I put my head into my hands.  

How was I going to explain this?  Immaculate conception?  There was no way to explain it.  The affair was going to be exposed.  I wanted to collapse on the floor and cry my eyes out.

"You could always try again," she said, with a comforting hand to my shoulder.

Suddenly, I was confused, and then I realized what she meant.  She was sorry because the test was negative.  I tried not to show my true feelings, but the relief that I felt was palpable.  After all this time, I never thought that I would be relieved that I was NOT pregnant.  Oh how life has changed.

I may have dodged this bullet, but there is definitely something going on with me.  I plan on going to the doctor to find out why I've been so tired lately.  At least I know that I am not pregnant, and right now, that is good news.

I WAS IN THE PAPER AS AN UNIDENTIFIED COMPANION

Lets start at the very beginning...That's a very good place to start (Isn't that from a movie that I watched as a child?)

On Friday  night, I met Chloe and Theresa at the mall, planning to go to the gym (yes, that's right--the gym).  At first, I was mad, because P came home late from work and I missed the ride, so I had to drive all the way over there by myself.  Don't like doing that, but turned out to be not so bad after all.  Could have been better, though.  I will explain.

I walked into the mall, and passed by store called Sensuous Things.  Now in the past, I had always looked in the window of this store, but I never actually went in there.  Since I was late anyway, I actually went inside.  I tried on a few things, and ended up buying a white satin nightgown, and sexy lingerie set.  When I walked into the gym, Chloe saw the bag right away (regular customer).  She thought that it was because P has been a good boy lately, but we all know who the good boy is, don't we?

We all took a Zumba dance class at 7:30 that wiped me out.  The woman was a lunatic!  Everything hurt by the end of it (even my eyelids).   I was quite dehydrated after sucking down all of my water, so as Chloe and Theresa reserved a treadmill for me (yes, they still wanted to do the treadmill), I went to the front desk where I could stock up like a camel.  I actually considered leaving altogether, but I didn't.  On the way back, guess who I ran into?  

This is not my favorite thing to do

I was surprised to see T there, and did not know how to react.  I asked a stupid question, like, "What are you doing here today?".  Then, he smiled, and teased that he needed to keep his body tight for his girlfriend (that would be me).  Before we could get into any kind of deep conversation, I noticed that Theresa was on her way over.  Quickly, I pushed him away like he had some kind of contagious disease  (well, he does.  It's called animal magnetism.  There is no cure).  Long story short, Theresa was polite enough to invite T out for a drink with us after the workout.   T ignored the panic in my eyes and said yes.  Uh oh!

The restaurant was interesting.  Chloe and Theresa had the bright idea of sitting together, so that I had to sit next to T, and be nice.  If you remember, the last time that we were all together at this same restaurant, I ended up throwing a drink in his face.  So, my friends still think that I can't stand him (even though they know that he had come to my aid several times), and I like to keep it that way.  As soon as he sat down next to me, however, his hands started to wander under the table.  

It's hard enough to be in the same room with him when other people are there, but this was ridiculous!  Being that close to him (and feeling his body next to mine as he felt up my leg) was torturous.  Oh, he was having a grand old time as I nervously blushed and knocked my nearly empty (one-drink minimum) glass of sangria over.  I wanted to kill him!  Chloe asked me if I was alright, and I came up with some lame excuse to why my face was completely scarlet red.  I can't even remember what I said, but it seemed to work--I hope.

Once Chloe and Theresa finally went to the Ladies Room, I scolded him, but it had no effect.  He flirted with me, and tried to talk me into having a rendezvous after the restaurant.  I couldn't say no--didn't want to--really--at all.  He knew where to go, and once we all left the restaurant, and Chloe and Theresa left the parking lot, I jumped into his SUV for our little excursion.

However, things did not turn out as planned.  At around ten o'clock on a low-traffic road on the way to the rendezvous, we noticed a car that had driven off the road into the woods and hit a large tree.  As T left the truck to check it out, I called 911.  When he returned, he informed my that inside the damaged car was a teen-aged driver who had been drinking,  was still alive, but was bleeding.  T scoured his own truck for something that he could use to help stop the bleeding, and I handed him my new satin nightgown. 

Our night may have interrupted out rendezvous, but the kid survived.  That was the important thing.  Thank God for that.  It also reminded me of what kind of man I am dealing with.  Thank God for that, too.

So, as P read the Sunday paper this morning, there was an article about how T heroically saved the young man's life.  The article mentioned that there was also an unidentified companion who aided him in the rescue, calling 911.  That was me.

I HATE HIS PARADE

Man, T's had a lot of visitors lately. Mostly women.  I don't know where they all came from! They must know that his mother has gone home, and the flood gates are open.  His house has a revolving door.  Everyone is checking in on the invalid, except me.


I saw Roberta go over there with a covered dish.  She probably poisoned him because she's a terrible cook.  Most likely, she bought something from the local Italian restaurant and put it into a casserole dish to make it look like she made it.  She's such a bitch.  She spent an hour there, then left with a frustrated look on her face.  I guess that she didn't get to "Buy the Corvette", which was probably her plan.


If you are checking out my twitter update, you probably know what "buy the Corvette" means.  It is code for "hook up with T".    I was going to use "enjoy a chocolate chip cookie"  as a code, but we all know that I have done that before, and I will do it again.  I would never buy a Corvette in real life, and I would not "buy this Corvette", either.


All joking aside, however attracted to T I happen to be, and however sexually frustrated I am,  I would never cross that bridge.  All of this fantasizing is just that--fantasizing.  I would never risk my family, or the friendship that I have with T.  It would ruin everything.  I mean, look how afraid I was about a stupid kiss (although it is the best one I've ever had)?  I could never go through with it.  I've got too much to lose.


But I still have my daydreams, and in my daydreams I can have what I want.  I can still look, can't I?

THE NEIGHBOR FROM HELL

I've got the neighbor from Hell.

Okay, I guess that you've been waiting to see how my weekend went.   I have been beside myself.  I was hoping that it would get better, but it's not.  I just feel like I want to vent.

The "bachelor" has a playboy lifestyle...he always has someone different over there (not that I've been paying attention).  He invited us to a party at his house on Memorial Day weekend, with people and noise--young women everywhere.  I think that they were in their twenties.   I told Chloe that I felt like I was at the Playboy mansion.  She shook her head and told me to relax and not be so critical.  She was actually having fun at that party!  I told her that I think that he should grow up. I left early.  Came up with the migraine excuse, and then once I was home, I swallowed a row of Girl Scout Tagalongs.  The "Bachelor" is ruining my diet!

Philip tells me to mind my own business.  Give him a chance, he says.  I don't know what it is.  Maybe it's my mother's instinct, but I don't trust him.