I WAS IN THE PAPER AS AN UNIDENTIFIED COMPANION

Lets start at the very beginning...That's a very good place to start (Isn't that from a movie that I watched as a child?)

On Friday  night, I met Chloe and Theresa at the mall, planning to go to the gym (yes, that's right--the gym).  At first, I was mad, because P came home late from work and I missed the ride, so I had to drive all the way over there by myself.  Don't like doing that, but turned out to be not so bad after all.  Could have been better, though.  I will explain.

I walked into the mall, and passed by store called Sensuous Things.  Now in the past, I had always looked in the window of this store, but I never actually went in there.  Since I was late anyway, I actually went inside.  I tried on a few things, and ended up buying a white satin nightgown, and sexy lingerie set.  When I walked into the gym, Chloe saw the bag right away (regular customer).  She thought that it was because P has been a good boy lately, but we all know who the good boy is, don't we?

We all took a Zumba dance class at 7:30 that wiped me out.  The woman was a lunatic!  Everything hurt by the end of it (even my eyelids).   I was quite dehydrated after sucking down all of my water, so as Chloe and Theresa reserved a treadmill for me (yes, they still wanted to do the treadmill), I went to the front desk where I could stock up like a camel.  I actually considered leaving altogether, but I didn't.  On the way back, guess who I ran into?  

This is not my favorite thing to do

I was surprised to see T there, and did not know how to react.  I asked a stupid question, like, "What are you doing here today?".  Then, he smiled, and teased that he needed to keep his body tight for his girlfriend (that would be me).  Before we could get into any kind of deep conversation, I noticed that Theresa was on her way over.  Quickly, I pushed him away like he had some kind of contagious disease  (well, he does.  It's called animal magnetism.  There is no cure).  Long story short, Theresa was polite enough to invite T out for a drink with us after the workout.   T ignored the panic in my eyes and said yes.  Uh oh!

The restaurant was interesting.  Chloe and Theresa had the bright idea of sitting together, so that I had to sit next to T, and be nice.  If you remember, the last time that we were all together at this same restaurant, I ended up throwing a drink in his face.  So, my friends still think that I can't stand him (even though they know that he had come to my aid several times), and I like to keep it that way.  As soon as he sat down next to me, however, his hands started to wander under the table.  

It's hard enough to be in the same room with him when other people are there, but this was ridiculous!  Being that close to him (and feeling his body next to mine as he felt up my leg) was torturous.  Oh, he was having a grand old time as I nervously blushed and knocked my nearly empty (one-drink minimum) glass of sangria over.  I wanted to kill him!  Chloe asked me if I was alright, and I came up with some lame excuse to why my face was completely scarlet red.  I can't even remember what I said, but it seemed to work--I hope.

Once Chloe and Theresa finally went to the Ladies Room, I scolded him, but it had no effect.  He flirted with me, and tried to talk me into having a rendezvous after the restaurant.  I couldn't say no--didn't want to--really--at all.  He knew where to go, and once we all left the restaurant, and Chloe and Theresa left the parking lot, I jumped into his SUV for our little excursion.

However, things did not turn out as planned.  At around ten o'clock on a low-traffic road on the way to the rendezvous, we noticed a car that had driven off the road into the woods and hit a large tree.  As T left the truck to check it out, I called 911.  When he returned, he informed my that inside the damaged car was a teen-aged driver who had been drinking,  was still alive, but was bleeding.  T scoured his own truck for something that he could use to help stop the bleeding, and I handed him my new satin nightgown. 

Our night may have interrupted out rendezvous, but the kid survived.  That was the important thing.  Thank God for that.  It also reminded me of what kind of man I am dealing with.  Thank God for that, too.

So, as P read the Sunday paper this morning, there was an article about how T heroically saved the young man's life.  The article mentioned that there was also an unidentified companion who aided him in the rescue, calling 911.  That was me.

MY DOUBLE LIFE

Two weeks in, and I feel like some kind of backwards superhero. Mild mannered six days a week, but on that other day,  WATCH OUT!  Tomorrow, I'm going to put Derek on the bus, take a shower, then transform into my alter-ego to slink next door to spend the day with T.  I should have a costume.  I guess that I'll have to work on that.  Maybe something in red.  He said that he likes me in red ;).

It's not easy keeping all the balls in the air. I play the role of the perfect wife like nothing has changed, and I'm good at it.  I bake the cookies, and clean the house, drive Derek to boys scouts and soccer.  Everything is the same as it was, but is also very different.  I feel confident, attractive and desirable for the first time in my life, and it is because of T.  With him, I can do no wrong, and I love him for that.

I do see him during the week, but as his next door neighbor.  I'll wave to him when Derek or P is around--can't ignore him, or it would be too suspicious. Even when he offered to help me in with the groceries, with Derek standing right there, I could not say no (not that I wanted to, because I had this sudden need to smell his cologne).  I have to keep this charade going, but it's awfully hard to make casual conversation with someone, when all you want to do is jump his bones. 

I cannot even mention his name to my friends all, for fear that I might expose my hidden feelings of desire for him.  Forget about telling them about the affair.  Both of them are in happy marriages and totally in love, living the so-called "perfect life".  They would not understand how I have looked for affection outside of my home, and of course there is this fear that Roberta will find out and spread the news around the world.  I am alone with this one, but for now, I am okay with that.  I'm a Superwoman!

NO REGRETS--THE LABOR DAY PARTY, PART TWO

T's offer to drive me home put me on the spot.  I yearned to say yes, but my conscience knew that I should say no. However, P saw it as the perfect solution to his problem because he could pass the buck and not have to leave the precious party (the man is truly clueless, but in his world, no one on this known earth would be attracted to me, especially not the playboy neighbor offering to drive me home).  After P walked me to the truck, and Derek kissed me goodbye, P said that he'd be home after the fireworks were over, and I said that I'd probably go straight to bed.

Neither of us spoke during the two block ride, but I did feel a little better physically.  Maybe it was the air conditioning in the truck, or the comfort of being away from the crowded party.  I was relaxed, somehow--maybe it was because we were alone, and I was not worried that someone would see something out of the ordinary.  By the time he pulled into his garage and opened the door for me, I had every intention of going home.  Then he said three words--I love you.

I can't explain what it felt like to hear those three simple words.  Somehow, I suspected that he loved me, but when I heard it come from his lips, I was dumbfounded.   It was mind-blowing!    I've tried so hard to deny it, thinking that I was losing my mind, or imagining things that were not there, but I have loved him for such a long time.  It's true, and such a relief to finally admit it.   When I heard his confession, I felt alive, free, and I didn't want to leave--so, I didn't.  I let go, and have no regrets.


I stayed with him until the fireworks started, promising to return on Wednesday.  We have started something, and I am happy about it.  I am not thinking about the consequences, or the risks.  For now, it is a secret.  I am "that woman" and I don't care.  I'm taking one day at a time, with room for adjustment.

For those who are worried about me, and think that I am taking the wrong path, I wish you knew what it was like to be in my shoes.  P had his chance to bring me home, and lead me away from temptation, but he did not.  He did not care.  I was just a nuisance to him, as usual.  At that critical moment, when I was ready to jump, he failed to grab my hand to pull me back.  T was more than willing to catch me, and I'm so happy that he did.

I have spent ten years trying to be the perfect wife to an indifferent man who treats me more like a child than anything else. I have never felt a mutual fondness with him.  We have just been going through the motions, together only because of Derek.  As for passion, it is not there, and probably has not been there from the start.  I have tried in the past, but he would rather sleep in the guest room/office, than to deal with me.  I am done trying.  It's time to think about myself for a change.


With T, I don't have to try.  It comes naturally.  Nobody makes me feel the way that he does.  There is no other man in this world that I would rather be with.  We have mutual love, respect and fondness.  He is my best friend, my T (my Trooper), and now my lover.  There is no turning back.