T offered to give me a massage last night. Well, first he grabbed my hand to physically stop me from dusting the living room. Then when I told him that I clean to relieve stress, he said that he didn't want me cleaning or cooking for him. He suggested that I should first take a hot bath, and then he'd give me a massage. I said thanks, but decided that having his magic hands on me would not be a good idea, so I said no.
After a few hours of laying in bed with my eyes wide open staring at the ceiling (thinking about the incredible massage that I could have had), I wandered out into the hallway--probably looking for something to clean (trust me, in that house I can find something). I noticed that the light was still on in his bedroom, and I knocked on the door. After a short conversation, I took him up on his offer.
I think that as soon as he touched my back, or soon after, I fell into a deep sleep. It was the best night's sleep that I've had in two weeks--a full eight hours! Maybe it was the air mattress bed, or the comfort of being close to T again, but I slept straight through--until the phone rang at seven in the morning. It was my husband. Of course.
T handed me the phone, and I was still groggy, not realizing how quickly he had given me the phone. The first thing that P said was "Well, that was fast!" Then I realized that it was obvious to him that T and I had been in the same room, and he didn't believe me when I said that it was completely innocent. Then again, why would he? I wouldn't have believed me either. Finally, he told me the reason for the call. Derek was sick, and he needed me. I threw on a robe and was there in five minutes.
Derek has the flu. Fever, shakes, throwing up--the works. For most of the day, it has been just him and me, since P does not want to get sick as well. P just checked his head in from time to time to see how Derek was doing. That's fine with me. Derek's sickness has given me the ability to dig in my heels a bit over here. I am staying the night in the master bedroom so that I can be at Derek's beck and call. P will stay in the office/guest room while I am here (well, there is no change there). While I am not happy that Derek is sick, while here I will try to show P how valuable I am, and how this family needs to stay together.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. It has been such a long and harrowing day.
It started out nice enough--a beautiful Autumn day. It was so gorgeous, in fact that Chloe and I decided to take the boys to the apple orchard after school. It was more crowded than I expected. I was talking to Chloe, turned around and Derek was not there. I calmly looked around for him, because he has a tendency to wander off a bit, but after ten minutes, I became very worried. I still did not find him, and there was this frightening feeling in the pit of my stomach that I never would. My palms started to sweat, I felt nauseous, and I scrambled around yelling his name. I reached a whole new wide-eyed level of anxiety. My boy was missing!
I must have looked like I escaped from an insane asylum, racing around...screaming and crying like a lunatic. My heart was beating out of my chest. The mothers that were with me helped me look, and Chloe tried to calm me down, but it was not possible. I could not think straight. I was in full blown panic mode.
I called T at work. I know that some of you may wonder why I didn't call P first, but how could I possibly call P and explain that I had lost his son? How could I explain it? Forget about the affair. I could have five affairs right in front of him, but this would have been the single most devastating blow that I could have given him. He would have never forgiven me--ever. Derek is the most important person in his life (and mine).
While on the phone, T tried to calm me, but there was going to be none of that. I can only imagine how it must have sounded on the other end. I kept crying "My baby is gone!" I actually hung up on him so that I could throw up under an apple tree. He called back and finally had to shout at me to stop me from freaking out. When I asked him why he was yelling at me, he apologized, and then told me to take a deep breath and think about where Derek could be. Was there something that he was interested in...a petting zoo, or something else that caught his eye? That was when I thought about the bee farm.
Derek was found by the bee farm. I hugged him so hard, that I almost crushed the life out of his little body.
Afterwards, I stopped at Chloe's house, and she was very concerned about my behavior at the orchard. She wanted to get to bottom of why I completely lost it. Yes, I did lose my son, but there was something going on with me. I was irrational, dizzy and nauseous.
Then, the answer came to her.
"It's so obvious that you're pregnant!" she suggested with a smile...
TO BE CONTINUED: PART 2 - AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY TEST
I
looked away for a second, and that was all it took. Then Derek was
face down in the pool. I froze. Luckily, Mark was there to pull him
out, and bring him back to life. I almost lost my boy.
We
were at Mark's house for dinner. Me, Philip and Derek. I was
mad--forced into making dinner for someone I hate because of a favor he
did for us. It was the least that I could do, Philip said. I wasn't
thrilled about it.
Then
after dinner, while Philip went next door to get something, and Derek
swam in the pool, Mark and I got into a heated argument. I don't even
know what it was about anymore. It all seems so silly now. The
argument continued until Philip returned, and then I realized that I
didn't hear Derek anymore. I turned, and to my horror, Derek was no
longer swimming.
I
screamed, and then Mark jumped into the pool, and with Philip's help,
pulled Derek out. He wasn't breathing. Mark gave him CPR, and I never
prayed so hard in my life. By the grace of God, Derek was saved. The
man that I hated saved his life, and in turn, saved my life. I will
never forget it.
A PHILLIE'S GAME.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
I think that I have already stated how devoted a Phillie's fan Philip is. The man is in front of the television set for every pre-game, and then game, and then post-game. Our lives revolve around the Phillies during baseball season (and the Eagles during football season). I have accepted it. I don't like it, but I have accepted it.
But, Mother's Day? We are traveling to Philadelphia on Mother's Day? Why can't we just go to the movies, or dinner, or something else that is MY choice? Why can't we go to a freaking Phillie's game on Father's Day, when it is his choice? Oh no, Father's Day is the day when he gets the royal treatment. He wouldn't pass that up. Where's my royal treatment?
Of course, Derek is really excited about going to the game, so add in the Mother's guilt. If I tell them that I don't want to go to the freaking game, then Derek will be disappointed. I don't want to disappoint him, so I will keep my mouth shut. So, I will be the one disappointed...again, for the sake of my family.
I REALLY WANT TO SCREAM RIGHT NOW!
THIS IS THE UN-EDITED version of the post on my other blog. I decided that it would be best to edit some stuff out just in case anyone reads my blog. For the edited version, click here. This version tells you what I really think.
Well, I've come to realize that Derek is not a natural soccer player. He barely runs to the ball and spends most of his time twirling to see his shadow. He does like that shadow. It's pretty embarrassing, but that's my boy. I don't think that he would even be in sports if Philip didn't push him to do it. Philip is trying to build character, and thinks that it's good for Derek to embarrass himself on a weekly basis. I can't say that I agree with him. Thank God that today was the last game.
Of course, Claudia Perkins (PTA boss) was there proudly watching her grandson score three goals. The kid is a monster (and a bully, by the way). The children seem to part like the Red Sea to let him through. Maybe they are just trying to preserve their own lives. I don't know. I really makes me sick.
After the game, I drove Derek to the mall and we went to Sprinkle City. I was going to take him to see a movie, but I didn't know what time Philip was going to be home from work. Had to get dinner ready, etc. The lasagna came out great as usual. Love that stuff.
After ice cream and lasagna today, I can safely say that I'm off the diet until Monday.
