Good News. My first catering job was a success!
Well you can't exactly call it full service catering, I guess. Claudia picked it up and served it herself. But, I did the cooking, and I got paid to do it--so it's catering.
Claudia called me that Sunday night and raved about the lasagna. She said that her guests loved it too. She asked me if I had a menu or business cards (which I did not), because her guests were asking about me and what else I would make. I just told her to give them my number. Since then, I have had a couple of jobs. One, I did last weekend, and this weekend, I have another.
I've worked out a small menu--some trays and some desserts. I didn't even know what to call the business, so I just called it "Victoria's Catering" for now. I ordered cards and they should be coming soon.
I could not sleep that first Sunday night because my mind was racing. I was so nervous/excited/frightened about where this could lead. Now, I'm just excited and proud of myself. This is the first thing that is truly mine, and it is so satisfying to have money in pocket that I earned through my own effort. It has been such a long time since I have been able to say that. I'm changing for the better, and I like this woman.
P, as expected, is not as excited as I would have hoped. Among other things, he says that it is not worth it to do all this work for a small amount of money. I don't agree. It doesn't take away from my time with Derek, or anything else that is important. I enjoy it, and that is what matters. This is for me.
I don't know what it is with him. Maybe he doesn't want me to have something of my own, or he doesn't want me to be happy.
Anyway, I could really care less what he thinks ;)
Well, this came out of nowhere.
On Saturday, I worked at the annual baseball signup and fundraiser. Every year, it is a fun indoor event in the cold of winter, where the community comes together at the local community center to sign up the kids for baseball, eat, play, etc. I cooked for it, worked in the kitchen and behind the counter with a few other mothers serving the food.
The queen bee Claudia Perkins was there. She organized the affair, as she does every year. It is her baby. Her minions were there as well, making the rounds, and doing absolutely nothing. I think that I saw one of them throw a paper plate out once.
Halfway throughout the afternoon, Claudia came into the kitchen and wanted to talk to me about my lasagna. Needless to say, I was prepared for some kind of criticism. Claudia is a control freak, I think that I have mentioned that before. I was tired, a little sweaty and really was not in to mood for "well-intentioned suggestions". I almost told her to get lost, but being the polite little mouse that I am, I couldn't do it. I'm glad that I kept my mouth shut, because something wonderful happened.
She loved my lasagna. Gushed over it. That shocked me. I don't know why, but maybe it is because I've never heard words of encouragement from her lips before--thought that I was in the Twilight Zone, or that she was drunk. Then she asked a question that I was not expecting. She wondered if I would make a couple of trays for a family party that she was having on Sunday. She will pay me, of course, and pick them up. It didn't not take me two seconds before I said yes.
I'm wondering if this is some kind of sign. Maybe T was right about using my hobby as a business. Do what I love, and it would make me happy. I hope that this opportunity turns into something good. I don't want to get ahead of myself, though.
On Saturday, Philip and Derek are going on another trip without me. It's not an overnight trip, but it is yet another day out without me. Alone again...naturally. It happens all the time. I spend an awful lot of time alone these days. In fact, I am talking to myself. I did it again at the grocery store, and some lady looked at me like I had just come out of the insane asylum.
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| Yes, I know |
Yes, I should be happy that P spends so much quality time with Derek. He's a great father, without a doubt. There are so many children out there without an active father, and Derek is extremely lucky that his father's world revolves around him. Derek seems to be the only one who matters.
P is a great father, it's true, but he's a lousy husband. There--I've said it! He was lousy before, and he's unbearable now. If he did not take me for granted in the past, I would not have strayed. Actually, I am more comfortable without P around. The weekends with him are a chore. They are loaded with stilted conversations, uncomfortable silences, and on occasion, snide remarks. I can't stand to be around him anymore, and I'm glad when he is gone. I just wish that he did not take Derek with him.
I could talk to my friends about this, but even though they act as if they understand, I can tell that they still feel uncomfortable. They can't relate. They are both in happy marriages, after all. I can't expect them to feel what I feel. They try, and they worry about me, which is why I tell them that "Everything's fine". I don't want them to look at me with eyes of pity. That's the last thing I need. I feel lousy enough.
I guess that I'm just lonely, and I wanted to vent. Frank's passing has put me in a funk and has made me go back on my promise of no more whining. Plus, I have un-decorated the house and am going through cookie withdrawals (cookies turned into a crutch during the holidays). I went a little overboard for a month, and need to give them up to get back on track. I don't want to gain the weight back. I tried to hard to lose it.
So, I'm back to eating right, exercising and all that crap. Yippee. Well, at least I have a goal. New Year's resolution: Lose that last ten pounds (fifteen now), find a hobby, pray more, and hardest of all--get over T.
Most of all--stop whining!
